I had a disturbing conversation with a friend today. Not a great friend, but someone I respect and trust. She said that she and her family were looking for a new church because her daughter, a high school freshman, hasn't been able to get connected and get interested in the youth ministry at our church. As someone who has led or co-led the youth ministry at our church for about 5 years now, this was interesting, frustrating, and discouraging to me all at the same time.
On one hand, her comment was that we don't "offer enough" for the high school students. We typically meet Wednesday nights, and we have either a bible study, fun night, or some combination of the two. I can see this point...I am a volunteer with a job and a family (two young kids) and I don't always have time to do everything our students would like to do. I know that's a shortcoming for me. And, we used to do more. We did monthly events for the high school students (she didn't come to those either, usually, but that's beside the point). She also said that homework often gets in the way of her daughter coming Wednesday night. I get that, too, as my first grader has a hard time finishing her homework sometimes, and I know high school students are often overwhelmed with all they have to do. Finally, she said, "I just wish we had more kids coming." I can see that point, I wish we did too. I took these comments as fair criticism and took them to heart... I really do want to do things with excellence, just like we try to do everything at Genesis.
On the other hand, I cannot invite other students. The only high school students I ever have access to are the ones that come to our church and the friends they bring. If she wants her friends to come, she should invite them. There are three ways to do youth ministry with your friends. Go to one they all attend, invite them to yours, or make friends with the people who are there. Most students will do a combination of these. On the homework front, many of our students have lots of homework, but they're really engaged and make it a priority- not over their schoolwork, but alongside it. Also, I would like to do more things, but many students won't come to the things we do offer, at least not regularly. How can we commit to offer more events just in hopes some of the less engaged students will come?
I don't know where to land on this. I've poured my heart and soul into these students, and I'm thrilled with what God has done in some of their lives, and I love being a part of that. On the other hand, I look back at the setbacks we've had- high school students that have left the faith, many that have had babies before marriage, and I really feel like a failure. Do I give up, and hope that someone else comes along with more zeal and more passion and more... time? Or, do I hang in and hope that my presence is not depriving some eager volunteer of a chance to invest in the lives of these kids?
The tough conversation was offset for me this morning, though, when I got into the auditorium. I saw a former student, a college sophomore, who is doing great, walking in her faith and she gave me a big hug. Then, I saw two sisters who were involved in the ministry and moved to Florida, and they were so excited to be back and see me and, especially, their friends with whom they shared some neat experiences. I feel very blessed to be a part of the lives of these young people, and I feel at times, that God has used me to speak into their lives. I just wish I knew if I still had the drive and desire (and ability) to do it.
So, that's it. Don't read this as a vendetta against this student or her family... I haven't mentioned names because I love them and don't want their discomfort to become the target of my frustration. I'm bummed that this girl is not connected. I'm disappointed that whatever I've done hasn't been enough. I'm frustrated that this family is church shopping to please their daughter, who may not get involved anywhere (CS Lewis, in The Screwtape Letters, suggests that if the enemy can't stop someone from going to church the next best thing is to have them shop for a church that 'suits them.') So, what would you do? I'd love your comments.
Steve
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2 comments:
My comment is that ministry stinks a lot, Steve. I will be praying for you tonight as you reel it in, pray it through, and get ready to cast the net out again next week.
I completely understand, I can't tell you how many times I've been in the same boat. Sometimes there is nothing you can do except to pray and leave it up to god knowing He knows you tried your hardest. It happens to all who work in youth ministry, volunteer and professional. People will look for someone to blame besides themselves. Its sad, it sucks, and its not fair to people who have literally poured their hearts and lives into these teens. Flat out, there is only so much we can do in the 2-4 hours we see a teenager in a week (if that). We are a tool to be used to build the foundation, but we are not the only tool, and we are not the builder. I support you in all that you are doing and I can tell, even in the short time I've attended YG you love the kids and teach them well. That's what God will look at.
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