Who are you pretending to be?

"All mortals eventually become what they are pretending to be." - Uncle Screwtape, from C.S. Lewis's The Screwtape Letters

Reading from this book last night, this passage hit me particularly hard, in two ways. First, there are things that I don't picture myself as, that my actions probably say I am. It made me ask: what do my actions say about who I am, and how does that line up with or contradict who I think I am? For instance, I say it's stupid to be obsessed with celebrities, but every once in a while I find myself stealing glances at the Life section of USA Today or sneaking a quick peak at who's dating whom on the AOL entertainment page. My words say one thing, my actions say something else. What about you? Do you say you're recovered but still sneak a drink once in a while? Do you say you're faithful to your wife, but just like to flirt a little? Right now, you are faithful, but you're pretending to be unfaithful. Will you eventually become what you're pretending to be? Will I?

On the other hand, if our actions are positive, we can use them to improve our attitude. As a runner, I know that even on days I don't feel like going out, often just a short 1/2 mile or mile jog will help improve my attitude to the point where I'm able to complete the entire workout. By pretending to be a runner that day, even if I don't feel like one, I can become one.

An old pastor friend of mine used to say it this way: Right thoughts follow right actions. At times, even when we don't feel like doing something positive, we can do it, and then we'll feel like it. So, here are some things that may aspire to. Maybe we should pretend to be them, so we will become them:

Want to be generous? Try giving.
Want to be loved? Try loving someone.
Want to be joyful? Try laughing.
Want to have a friend? Try being one.
Want to be forgiven? Try forgiving.

Peace.

Race Report - DINO Eagle Creek 15k

So, we returned to the scene of the crime. I have been running events in the DINO trail running series for about four years now, but I'd never been in a race like March 8, 2008. The night before, we had gotten about an inch of ice, and the night before that, we had about 4-6 inches of snow. All this made for a nice, pretty, hard-packed, treacherous course- some of which ran along an off-camber path that dropped off to the reservoir. That, combined with single-digit temps and below zero wind chills made for my least favorite trail run ever.

Fast forward one year- the sun is shining and it is a relatively balmy 30 degrees at gun time. We got to Eagle Creek Park way early, and had over an hour to kill after registration. While I wasn't too keen on burning off energy, I felt like I'd need a good warmup to start the race well. In the past, these 15k trail runs have been endurance challenges for me, but since I'm now deep in the heart of training for the Madison Marathon, the distance was not a mental factor. That mindset would definitely affect my performance today.

I was there with my friend Tom. Over the past few years, he and I share a friendly rivalry that has been horribly one-sided in his favor (as a younger, singler, slimmer guy with no kids, he has the decided advantage). But this year, the marathon training has helped my early-season fitness, and his serious girlfriend has, I think, detracted from his. Tom and I took off for a brief warmup jog, about .3 miles from the car to the start line. He decided to head inside to the warming hut, while I thought about finding a place to leave my two Diet Cokes I drank before the race. As I ran around contemplating "bush or port-a-pot?" I put in another quarter mile or so. I settled on the long line at the port-a-john and barely finished in time for the gun.

At the line, the RD Brian announced that they had changed the course slightly from last year. While the 15k course would still be 3 loops of the 5k course, it was a tad bit shorter (right around 9 miles), and certainly would be less slippery- mostly dry with just a few mud spots. That was good, since it took me over 1:40 last year.

Right before the start, I noticed I was up too close to the front. My normal position (pack right, 10 feet off the line) was probably great for the normal DINO race with 80-100 people, but it was then I realized over 200 people had shown up for the 15k (I never remember the 15k being bigger than the 5k, but it was today). So, the siren sounded and we were off. Tom decided early on that he was going to run behind me as long as possible in his normal strategic attempt to pip me at the finish. So, I decided to push the pace. All of a sudden, this nice, cool run through the woods became a nine-mile tempo run. Never mind that I had never done a 9-mile tempo run before, nor that I had never done a tempo run on the trails. I was determined to lose Tom.

2 miles- I'm running a fast tempo pace, but Tom is still with me. He's started to fade a few times around corners, or as I power up short hills, but he manages to bungee back to me as I recover. Just short of 3 miles, as we come back around to close lap 1, I notice that I have gapped him. While I want to take it easy on the second lap, I decide I need to keep pushing. First lap: 22:53. WAIT! That can't be right. That's less than 7:40 miles, which is my treadmill tempo pace. Oh well, push on.

Lap 2, my "speed" if you can call it that, starts to catch up to me. By mile 4, a few people are passing me, but I'm not usually this far up in the pack, so it doesn't bother me too much. Still, not wanting to fade, I decide to ingest a gel at 4.5. I'd been drinking Powerade from my handheld bottle every 1/2 mile or so, and after the gel, I think the sugar starts to get to me. By mile 5.5 or so, I'm feeling a little queasy and my legs are very heavy from the short but steep hills. Still, I finish lap 2 in 46:30, so the second lap was a slower but respectable 23:37. Still under 8:00 miles.

Lap 3 begins, and at this point, I'm thinking three things: 1) If I can run another 23:30, I'll finish under 1:10 (my previous PR for one of these races was 1:18 and change). 2) I don't see Tom behind me anywhere. I must have put some more time into him this lap. And 3) My stomach is not any better yet. Still, I soldier on, through the grove of pine trees, across the road and down the rope hill, then back up the steepest climb on the trail. At the 7.5 mark, this thought crosses my mind: "How long would it take to puke? I mean, could I just get it all out before Tom catches me?" But, with not quite enough in my stomach to throw up, I just push on. At 8 miles, I feel intense desire to run faster, but find my legs to be unwilling participants. Climbing up the last long hill, I turn around and see Tom only about 90 seconds behind me at the bottom. Now, I turn it on.

I run across the last parking lot, through the two mudholes, past the playground and toward the finish line. Wow, there are a lot of people up in this part of the pack. When I run toward the back, I usually finish alone, but I'm passing and being passed all the way to the line. As I crest the last little rise, I can see the finish clock. Darn! It's already past 1:10. I relax a little and cruise in at 1:10:33, 83rd place out of 200. Certainly not spectactular, but an 8 minute PR for me, and two minutes ahead of my younger, fitter comrade.

It was a great day, a great run, and a terrific start to the season. In two weeks, we'll be at Mounds State Park in Anderson, IN for the next race. Hope to see you there!

Choose this day...

"...But if serving the LORD seems undesirable to you, then choose for yourselves this day whom you will serve, whether the gods your forefathers served beyond the River, or the gods of the Amorites, in whose land you are living. But as for me and my household, we will serve the LORD." -Joshua 24:15

I have this stenciled in my living room, "As for me and my house, we will serve the Lord." And, for the most part, I have chosen that. I read my bible daily, go to church every Sunday, I'm involved in kids' lives, and really try to serve Him. So, why is it that I still need to choose each day whom I will serve? It seems like some days, I really want to serve my paycheck, or I want to serve my flesh, or I want to serve my stomach or my bank account. Usually, I really just want to serve ME!

I once heard someone say about marriage that you only have to choose to be faithful once, then you manage that decision daily. That way, you don't have to choose to be faithful each time you are tempted to stray. I've done a great job of that with my marriage. But maybe we need the same attitude for God. I chose one time to serve Him, now I will manage that decision daily. Then, I won't have to choose each day.

On forgiveness and prayer

Earlier this week, I was at lunch with a person and he asked to pray. As he closed his prayer, he asked forgiveness for his sins. It might as well have been a difibrillator for me. What's this? Forgiveness of sins? I had forgotten to pray for that. Believe it or not, I had learned to take this for granted.

How can someone get so used to the idea of grace that we take it for granted? That we forget about the sacrifice made for us. How could I be so arrogant as to just assume I was forgiven for what I did yesterday?

Well, I'm not forgetting now. Jesus said, "When you pray... pray like this: '...and forgive us our sins as we forgive those who sin against us.' If we pray together soon, please remind me.

Concerned about the economy? Maybe you should pray.

I was really moved and convicted by this prayer offered by Max Lucado about our national economy.




If my people, who are called by my name, will humble themselves and pray and seek my face and turn from their wicked ways, then will I hear from heaven and will forgive their sin and will heal their land. -2 Chronicles 7:14

I'm thinking of calling it, "All work and no TV make Steve something something..."

Go crazy? Don't mind if I do!

So, I'm now at day 6 with no TV, and honestly, it's been generally easier than I thought. With minor exceptions. For instance, yesterday I get home after a long weekend, working mostly, and I just want to crash and watch the US Indoor track and field championships, or some other mind-numbing piece of drivel to unwind. No such luck- no TV for lent.

Instead, I'm getting lot's of reading done. Just finished Lauren Winner's book, Real Sex. Very interesting read about God's creation of and plan for sex. I'm also getting some running in, with 11 miles on Friday and 7 on Sunday.

Jury's still out on which is better... the me with TV or without.

Friday at NAHBS

So, I spent a good portion of my day last Friday at the North American Handbuilt Bicycle Show in Indianapolis. What a day! I went in with no particular agenda, nor any desire for a new bicycle, but I sure left with one. First, some highlights.

Of course, there were great looking bikes, like this Townie:



But, there were also things you don't see everyday, like this wild bamboo ride from Calfee Designs:



Most of the displays were bikes, but there were some components. Like these Rasta headsets from Chris King:



There were other, more practical ideas, too. Let's say you find yourself as the stoker on a tandem. You get thirsty, but you're not really the water type. Instead, you want something with a little kick. Well, CoMotion has you covered:



But my favorite, by far, was the fixie from Courage out of Portland. I talked to the owner, Aaron, for a while, and he was a great guy. Plus, he made beautiful bikes. Look at this:



I mean, look at the detail on this dropout:



Beautiful. Lots of fun. Now, if I just had $2,200. For the frame and fork only. Well, someday...