Yesterday, there was yet another story of a youth pastor accused of sexual misconduct with a student - three girls, in this case, including one that claims to be pregnant with his child. As a volunteer youth pastor (and as a father), it breaks my heart to hear stories like this. Every week I work with high school students, and its easy for me to see that some girls (and guys, for that matter) are crying out for attention, just wanting to be loved, noticed, and approved of.
As a youth pastor, we are in a position of authority, and often a trusted confidant for these vulnerable students. And every time a story like this one comes out, it puts a black mark on the Church universal, on our calling, and on the God we serve. As a youth leader (pastor, volunteer, or otherwise), we need to be laser-focused on leading and shepherding these kids to The One who can save us- Jesus Christ. This is SO IMPORTANT- the stat I heard this week is that the average college student who was active in an evangelical church in high school, walks away from his/her faith by October 15 of freshman year.
So, I just want to say one thing to anyone in the church who works with students- check your heart. If you are doing what you're doing for any reason other than to lead students into a life-changing relationship with Christ, then STEP AWAY FROM YOUR MINISTRY. If your doing it because you like hanging out with high school students, or it makes you feel young, or it gets you away from your family, or it pays the bills, or because YOU ARE ATTRACTED TO HIGH SCHOOL GIRLS, then QUIT TODAY! No matter how big your ministry is, no matter how connected your students are to you or to each other, no matter how many other people look at what you do in awe, STOP if your only goal is anything other than leading students to Christ.
Youth groups need to be a place for students to get away from the pressures they face in school and with friends. They need to have adults there that walk alongside parents, not work against them. They must reinforce the idea of not conforming to the ways of this world, but being transformed by the grace of God. They need to be a place where parents are assured that their precious son or daughter will be built into, shepherded, loved (asexually) and accepted by people who love Jesus more than their own bodies. If your are not willing or not able to do this, then quit. It's okay. God has something else planned for you.
The church should be set apart. We are the bride of Christ. Just like in every other area of our Christian walk, people need to see from the outside how we are different from the world. If inside the church looks like the world, then what's the point? If a young girl is as likely to be led astray by a youth pastor as by a fellow student or a teacher or a coach, then why should she even bother with church? We need to be a refuge for teens struggling with their sexual identity, not a place where they can experiment with it.
If you're not willing or able to do this, quit today. Don't quit the church - it needs you and you need it- but step down from your position. Do it with all humility and grace. Because if you wait until it's too late, it could end in humiliation.
Please, check your heart.
Showing posts with label youth ministry. Show all posts
Showing posts with label youth ministry. Show all posts
Thursday, April 23, 2009
Sunday, March 29, 2009
On Shopping for Churches
I had a disturbing conversation with a friend today. Not a great friend, but someone I respect and trust. She said that she and her family were looking for a new church because her daughter, a high school freshman, hasn't been able to get connected and get interested in the youth ministry at our church. As someone who has led or co-led the youth ministry at our church for about 5 years now, this was interesting, frustrating, and discouraging to me all at the same time.
On one hand, her comment was that we don't "offer enough" for the high school students. We typically meet Wednesday nights, and we have either a bible study, fun night, or some combination of the two. I can see this point...I am a volunteer with a job and a family (two young kids) and I don't always have time to do everything our students would like to do. I know that's a shortcoming for me. And, we used to do more. We did monthly events for the high school students (she didn't come to those either, usually, but that's beside the point). She also said that homework often gets in the way of her daughter coming Wednesday night. I get that, too, as my first grader has a hard time finishing her homework sometimes, and I know high school students are often overwhelmed with all they have to do. Finally, she said, "I just wish we had more kids coming." I can see that point, I wish we did too. I took these comments as fair criticism and took them to heart... I really do want to do things with excellence, just like we try to do everything at Genesis.
On the other hand, I cannot invite other students. The only high school students I ever have access to are the ones that come to our church and the friends they bring. If she wants her friends to come, she should invite them. There are three ways to do youth ministry with your friends. Go to one they all attend, invite them to yours, or make friends with the people who are there. Most students will do a combination of these. On the homework front, many of our students have lots of homework, but they're really engaged and make it a priority- not over their schoolwork, but alongside it. Also, I would like to do more things, but many students won't come to the things we do offer, at least not regularly. How can we commit to offer more events just in hopes some of the less engaged students will come?
I don't know where to land on this. I've poured my heart and soul into these students, and I'm thrilled with what God has done in some of their lives, and I love being a part of that. On the other hand, I look back at the setbacks we've had- high school students that have left the faith, many that have had babies before marriage, and I really feel like a failure. Do I give up, and hope that someone else comes along with more zeal and more passion and more... time? Or, do I hang in and hope that my presence is not depriving some eager volunteer of a chance to invest in the lives of these kids?
The tough conversation was offset for me this morning, though, when I got into the auditorium. I saw a former student, a college sophomore, who is doing great, walking in her faith and she gave me a big hug. Then, I saw two sisters who were involved in the ministry and moved to Florida, and they were so excited to be back and see me and, especially, their friends with whom they shared some neat experiences. I feel very blessed to be a part of the lives of these young people, and I feel at times, that God has used me to speak into their lives. I just wish I knew if I still had the drive and desire (and ability) to do it.
So, that's it. Don't read this as a vendetta against this student or her family... I haven't mentioned names because I love them and don't want their discomfort to become the target of my frustration. I'm bummed that this girl is not connected. I'm disappointed that whatever I've done hasn't been enough. I'm frustrated that this family is church shopping to please their daughter, who may not get involved anywhere (CS Lewis, in The Screwtape Letters, suggests that if the enemy can't stop someone from going to church the next best thing is to have them shop for a church that 'suits them.') So, what would you do? I'd love your comments.
Steve
On one hand, her comment was that we don't "offer enough" for the high school students. We typically meet Wednesday nights, and we have either a bible study, fun night, or some combination of the two. I can see this point...I am a volunteer with a job and a family (two young kids) and I don't always have time to do everything our students would like to do. I know that's a shortcoming for me. And, we used to do more. We did monthly events for the high school students (she didn't come to those either, usually, but that's beside the point). She also said that homework often gets in the way of her daughter coming Wednesday night. I get that, too, as my first grader has a hard time finishing her homework sometimes, and I know high school students are often overwhelmed with all they have to do. Finally, she said, "I just wish we had more kids coming." I can see that point, I wish we did too. I took these comments as fair criticism and took them to heart... I really do want to do things with excellence, just like we try to do everything at Genesis.
On the other hand, I cannot invite other students. The only high school students I ever have access to are the ones that come to our church and the friends they bring. If she wants her friends to come, she should invite them. There are three ways to do youth ministry with your friends. Go to one they all attend, invite them to yours, or make friends with the people who are there. Most students will do a combination of these. On the homework front, many of our students have lots of homework, but they're really engaged and make it a priority- not over their schoolwork, but alongside it. Also, I would like to do more things, but many students won't come to the things we do offer, at least not regularly. How can we commit to offer more events just in hopes some of the less engaged students will come?
I don't know where to land on this. I've poured my heart and soul into these students, and I'm thrilled with what God has done in some of their lives, and I love being a part of that. On the other hand, I look back at the setbacks we've had- high school students that have left the faith, many that have had babies before marriage, and I really feel like a failure. Do I give up, and hope that someone else comes along with more zeal and more passion and more... time? Or, do I hang in and hope that my presence is not depriving some eager volunteer of a chance to invest in the lives of these kids?
The tough conversation was offset for me this morning, though, when I got into the auditorium. I saw a former student, a college sophomore, who is doing great, walking in her faith and she gave me a big hug. Then, I saw two sisters who were involved in the ministry and moved to Florida, and they were so excited to be back and see me and, especially, their friends with whom they shared some neat experiences. I feel very blessed to be a part of the lives of these young people, and I feel at times, that God has used me to speak into their lives. I just wish I knew if I still had the drive and desire (and ability) to do it.
So, that's it. Don't read this as a vendetta against this student or her family... I haven't mentioned names because I love them and don't want their discomfort to become the target of my frustration. I'm bummed that this girl is not connected. I'm disappointed that whatever I've done hasn't been enough. I'm frustrated that this family is church shopping to please their daughter, who may not get involved anywhere (CS Lewis, in The Screwtape Letters, suggests that if the enemy can't stop someone from going to church the next best thing is to have them shop for a church that 'suits them.') So, what would you do? I'd love your comments.
Steve
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